Day 3 at Hippocrates: I Have Parasites

Part of the program here at Hippocrates is blood analysis -- when you arrive, they take a blood sample and run it through the battery of typical tests, measuring things like sugar, mineral, and uric-acid levels. At that time you set up an appointment with the institute's health administrators, Dr. Spaziani and Dr. Clement, who discuss the test results with you, and they recommend a diet and supplement regimen.

I arrived at Dr. Spaziani's office yesterday ready to hear how healthy I am, because, although I'm here to improve my health, I'm already in pretty good shape to begin with. The doc totally surprised me by unwrapping a lancet and asking for my finger -- he needed to draw a drop of blood, to show me under the microscope what my blood cells look like. He prepared the slide, put it on the microscope, and turned on a large TV above his desk, to which his microscope apparatus was rigged.

My blood looked very nice. Many people have very clumpy red cells as a result of a variety of unhealthful practices, which is a bad thing. Red cells need to move independently and without obstruction in order to perform their functions correctly. Dr. Spaziani pointed out how freely my cells were moving about -- there was very little clumping, unlike most people he sees. I was happily watching the screen, beaming at the excellent condition of my blood and feeling somewhat superior to the other program participants, when suddenly, a little, um, THING skittered across the picture. It startled me, and then I sat back, thinking it was just a bug that had run across the TV set. But then it appeared again, this time from the other side of the screen, swimming back in the opposite direction.

I jumped out of my seat, jabbing my finger at the screen. "What the HELL is THAT???" I barked.

"What?" said Dr. Spaziani.

The critter appeared again, from the bottom left corner of the screen, swam around a few cells, and shot off the right-hand side.

"Mmmph!" I jumped and pointed.

"Oh, those are parasites."

"WHAT???"

"Parasites. They're pretty common. Have you traveled outside of the US recently?"

"NO, just to Paris!"

"Do you eat sushi?"

"Yeah, all the time."

"Well, that's it, then. Most people who eat sushi get parasites. Dr. Clement will prescribe some wormwood for you, clear it right up."

I sat there, stunned, and got angry at the little buggy creature as I watched it swim around in my blood on the screen above me. It hovered right around a white blood cell, and I thought to myself, "Why doesn't the white blood cell attack it?? Attack! Attack!"

Dr. Clement prescribed Artemisinin, an anti-parasitic herb used by Chinese herbalists. I went to the campus store and bought two bottles: I take the first bottle (two weeks' supply), then wait two weeks, then take the second bottle (to kill any new "hatchlings").

Ugh, god, I can't stand this. I feel like bugs are crawling all around inside my skin now. I feel totally ill, in spite of my picture-perfect, free-flowing red blood cells.

I never thought I'd ever consider giving up sushi, but if anything could scare me into keeping away from it, this certainly fits the bill.